He demands the truth from me
Welcome to the carnival
Your rage strikes my heart like a lightning bolt
I am not OK
Early childhood trauma pulled the carpet out from under me before I learned to stand on my own feet. I couldn’t build a sense of safety, security or self-esteem on quicksand. I was left with a perpetual sense of dread, always under threat, about to fail or not have enough food, shelter, or other basic needs to survive.
As a result, my root chakra clenched up, my sacral chakra blew up as a survival mechanism, becoming my feeler-sense to test the emotional waters, as my solar plexus bent to the slightest of breezes, bowing my power to others to preserve my life.
Heartbreak cracked my heart open, and in the middle of the darkest dark, divine light poured in.
When I saw the silver lining on the storm cloud of my life,
I saw that there was nothing wrong, and my eyes sparkled.
When I heard the melody and harmony in my sad song,
I heard that there was nothing wrong, and I sang along.
When I felt the world hold me after my love left me,
I felt that there was nothing wrong, and I feel embraced still.
When I breathed in the scent of the changing seasons,
I remembered that nothing was wrong, and I breathe it still.
When I feasted on the harvest of the earth,
I was nourished, the knowledge that nothing was wrong filled every cell of my body.
Maybe nothing was ever wrong.
Tonight, I am all right.
May I remind myself one million and one times, should I forget a million times, that I am all right.
I hope that you too may feel that there is nothing wrong with you, and nothing wrong with your life.