Prayer for Protection

Starry sky with your twinkling eyes

Please watch over my dear ones tonight

Wrap them in your velvet blanket

Keep the safe in a world with many roads to explore

Provider them with shelter, a room with a door

Give them both rice and beans

Tuck them in and bless them with sweet dreams

Until the sun comes up again

May they live in comfort and meet new friends

Carnival

Welcome to the carnival

I offer all manner of novelties to delight you
Are your thoughts as wild as a flying trapeze?
I’ve got pills to set your mind at ease
Does your heart feel like it has been trampled by an elephant?
You don’t need to use booze to get bent
I’ll flood your blood with chemical love and adjust the dose to fit like a glove
I’ve perfected my performance to be your ideal physician despite my perpetual exhaustion, hanger and burn out
Ignoring my own pain as I eliminate yours
Neither one of us is listening to the sacred wisdom of our bodies
I suffer long and hard so that you don’t have to feel a thing
In my side-show alley you’ll see that if you want more than an endless stream of candy refills, if you want me to be your shaman instead of your drug dealer, at any time you can feel your feelings instead of suppress them
Take a plunge from the high dive on the wild horse of your unmedicated body
Hear your healing lion’s roar
Let your self-expression soar
Allow yourself to fall into the safety net of the universe
Trust that you belong, that you are a star just as you are
Juggle fire and meet yourself with humor when gravity makes its presence known
Allow yourself to be shot from the cannon of self-doubt, trusting that you will be ok
If healing is a series of flaming hoops
The transformative way out is through
Show yourself what you can do
Dance to uplifting music every day
Cultivate strength and flexibility in body and brain
Remind yourself it is normal to feel insane
In this seemingly crazy world, only you can take the reins
Be the ringleader of your life
It ain’t me, babe
Though I have the hard-won power to prescribe the goodies you crave
To be in control of ourselves we must give up control of everything else
Welcome to the big time
The show can’t go on without you
I applaud you
My eyes are open to witness your marvels and miracles

Death Certificate

Another day, another death by COVID.

My COVID patient who died today was relatively healthy and young.
While filling out his death certificate, I paused over the ’cause of death’ section:
 
My patient had multi-organ failure with a subsequent cardiac arrhythmia incompatible with life and viral pneumonia causing respiratory failure, however the failure that lead up to his COVID infection was systemic at a societal level.
 
My patient was a prisoner, infected by COVID-19 because he was denied the ability to socially distance, robbed of the right the protect himself.
 
I didn’t know him, but as I studied his body during his final hours I imagined what his life had been like, and wanted to include on his death certificate:
 
Cause of death:
Complications resulting from loss of human rights due to imprisonment
Secondary to the prison-industrial complex
Secondary to class warfare
Secondary to poverty
Secondary to racism
 
I didn’t know him, but I shared pieces of his struggle:
Adverse childhood experiences, trauma on trauma on trauma
 
His premature death is another stone in my pocket
My path is liberation
Wherever his soul is now, I hope he feels liberated too
Liberated from the brown skin which lead to his incarceration which inevitably did him in.

Watchu Know

Watchu know about germs?

Watchu know about warfare? (nothing)
Watchu know about heading into battle
Feeling like slaughter-bound cattle
Whatchu know about washing hands
Whatchu know about yes we can
My mind sees a sparkling vibrant land
My heart holds a silent marching band
Whatchu know about foam-in, foam-out?
Whatchu know about keeping tiny terrors out?
Whatchu know about watching your mouth
Whatchu know about pushing through doubt
Whatchu know about alcoholic hand gel?
Whatchu know about alcoholics from hell?
Whatchu know about face shields and masks
Whatchu know about drowning in endless tasks
Whatchu know about blue plastic gowns?
I wear a surgical cap for a crown
Whatchu know about double-gloving?
Coming home from work too stressed to make lovin’
I am a public servant
With grace and strength I shed PPE smooth as a serpent
Slow and steady, I move when I’m ready
I never was one to throw things away
But I’ve learned you’ve got to know what to let go of
So that what you love can stay

The Warrior-Princess and the Dragon

Once upon a long enough time
There was a Warrior-Princess who could spin mad rhymes

She slayed other people’s dragons, as she earned a dime
Solving problems for fun, in her spare time

She invited all possible stress into her life
She felt strong as she stood amidst the onslaught of strife

She gathered knowledge and skills
To prevent and cure ills
But one thing seems to evade her still-
Overcoming the fear of her own dragon self

Every princess is also a warrior
Though she may feel trapped in a tower
Or a hospital corridor
Held captive by her fear of disappointing others,
Our heroine kept the fear of her dragon-self near

Our warrior-princess, while a vanquisher of things big and scary,
a master of getting into situations quite hairy,
was scared to death of her inner dragon,
she was terrified to speak her truth- to let out her desire, spit her anger-fire

The warrior-princess is me, and I’ve come to see
that the fear of dragons is all in my mind
My dragon has been my dear companion this whole time
ready to make noise if I’d only let it be free

I’ve let my reptilian brain keep me in trouble
when I could have been riding my dragon
floating like a bubble

For too long I shut my dragon down with stress
I felt so helpless and under duress
My dragon was ready to roar all along

I let my mammalian brain drive me insane
sticky emotions pulled me down the drain

Yet somehow my spirit persisted
My healing couldn’t be resisted

I’m ready to rise up and vocalize my voice, choose my choice
That may sound like a no-brainer,
but actually it’s a neo-brainer
Our Neo-cortex can function and rise above
When we trade our fear response for love

I’m ready to breathe my fire, let my power transpire
Let my dragon protect me
Instead of keeping it hidden
For too long I cowered as I became more trauma-ridden

I’m ready to become the Dragon Princess Warrior
Gather up my best, and leave the rest

I’m ready to combine the finesse of my Princess
with the courage of my Warrior
and the fierceness of my Dragon

Si se puede!

Yes I can live my best life

For so long, I sang a sad song
I silenced my self-advocacy
When as a young child, many molested me
I thought my dragon abandoned me when I yielded to the dragons of others
My dragon was protecting me the best way it knew how, the only way which I allowed it to- freeze, collapse, play dead

I am afraid of my dragon self,
and it is my fear to own
It is my fear to express through a poem

I’m ready to give up my crouching chameleon life
Shed my reptilian and mammalian skins
take my sweet hummingbird and eagle’s flight

To the fear of my dragon-self,
I bow in gratitude for the sacred journey
A-ho!

And A-ho! to us all
as on the journey we heed the call
to balance our inner princess, warrior and dragon
We have within us everything we need
and by balancing ourselves, we help bring balance to all, yes indeed
A-ho!

Shout-out to the mighty mitochondria-
I hope you’ve enjoyed the wild ride inside me
Thank you for all the ATP-
divine light energy
A-ho!

Bra-less and Lawless

 

Bra-less and lawless
That’s what I am
I solved the problem of my poverty creatively
That’s code-speak for ‘illegally’

Because prostitution
Isn’t recognized by the institution
Ironically, it’s the same men who rule the world
Who pay money to have sex with girls

I’ve jerked off CEOs of international companies
Wildly successful ones that you might support everyday
In our inevitable, consumeristic way                                                                                           Like common street pimps, the government and corporate thugs take the money they want, leaving the rest of us just enough to stay alive so that we keep making them rich off our blood, sweat and tears all the years of our lives                                                           We break our backs while their bank accounts grow fat collecting tax

Sometimes I break the law                                                                                                        When I was a sex-worker, I limboed around the law by making a living without paying taxes on my wages, unless you count the immeasurable tax of physical and psychological trauma, which like a war within me rages

Sex work was an avenue to do what I could to improve my reality
With a heart of gold: I did it without hurting others, young or old
I even donated some of my hard-won earnings to charity
Robin Hood is a hero to me

Sometimes I let it all hang out and go bra-less
I am a woman in a man’s world (though we’re fighting for our human rights!)
Taking my bra off feels like exhaling, ‘Yes I am!’

Letting my breasts fall forward to where they naturally lay
Feels like the first time I did sex work and got paid
I could finally afford to buy food instead of scavenging through the trash,                         no more would I dine on the stale leftovers of rats
All I had to do was survive an hour behind closed doors with an asshole rapist                   it was like any other day, except that I got paid a livable wage

Poverty feels like an uncomfortable bra
That is two sizes too small
It cuts into you and suffocates you
Until there is only one thing left to do, if you can
Break free

I’m not saying that everyone with financial difficulty should find employment through illegal activity, although that seems to be the only option at times
I’m saying that feeling comfortable
In your body, your mind and your life
Is something worth striving for
I hope you feel comfortable in some way every day

Freeing myself from poverty was not quick or easy,                                                      Although the lucrativeness of sex work at first made me believe it would be.      Sustainable change takes time                                                                                                         In the long run, it took a lot of hard, unpaid effort educating myself to reach a place of true comfort; for austere years I lived without many things I wanted because most of all, I wanted to be free                                                                                                                                I wouldn’t change my journey for anything                                                                                    I am grateful for all that I learned, the profound ways that I healed spiritually and am healing still, the people I met, the goals I accomplished, the places I’ve lived and…

how good it feels to finally come home to myself, to my heart and my body                     The journey isn’t over, but I know that whatever the future brings, I am ready

…and for the moment, bra-less