I’ve never known the sound of silence
I’ve had tinnitus- ringing in the ears- for as long as I can remember
It is constant, bilateral, high-pitched, and deafeningly loud
I noticed it as a child while playing in the snow and thought it was the sound of a million snowflakes landing
When I was a bit older I thought it was the sound of a million fairies screaming.
Was it the meningitis (inflammation of the lining of my central nervous system) during childhood that set my brain aflame, or the heavy drugs used to treat it?
Did I dislodge the canaliths- crystals in my inner ear- when I spun around to the point of inducing vertigo?
I finally paid a doc for her professional opinion, to do my due diligence in my search for silence
At great expense, she quickly sent me away without hope of a cure
I will likely live my whole life without knowing silence
Maybe this is the sound of my brain vibrating with life
Maybe this is the sound of the spirit world
Maybe this is the music of the Earth in space, the resonance of our aqueous sound-conducting planet
Maybe I am tuned in to intergalactic radio
I spend most of my life spaced out, thinking of the past and future as I clench my jaw and bite my tongue
I have come to view the ringing in my ears as my meditation bell
Welcoming me home to the present moment