Garden State of Mind

You’re in luck

Cuz I’m DTF

I keep it confidential that I’m full of potential

Potential STIs from random guys

I’ve got that garden state of mind

Jersey holds an eternal flame

The smoldering scent of gasoline, burning tires and disappointment

Always, always too much heartbreak

I’m only passing through

I never meant to find what I seek in you

How Long

I’m trying hard to live without you

You’ve got this gentle way about you

I’m trying hard, but you’re so far

For many years, I’ve cried these tears

I’m trying hard to live without you

But you’ve got this gentle way about your love, dear

I want you near

You’ve been so far for so long

So I wrote you this sad song, dear

How much longer dear

Will you be gone

To She Who Holds My He

You are holding the hands that hold my heart

You are listening to the heart beat that made my heart stop and start anew

You are breathing in his scent, my only oxygen

You are gazing into the eyes that with one look made me see love again

You are being held by the arms that were my cherished home

You have arrived at the destination which inspires everywhere I roam

You are kissing the lips I miss every day and every night

Dear lady, you are living my dream

I hope my king treats you like a queen

I hope he gives you love that is unbreakable

The way my love for him is unshakable

I hope you savor every moment

He and I had a short time together

Now such a long time for me to treasure

My heart is heavy

My mind is ready to let go, yet I keep right on adoring him

I hope you do, too

I’d give anything- my whole life, for just one more night wrapped in his embrace, to wake up next to his face

I know it was my own dopamine and serotonin that I got hooked on, but it my love for him was too strong a drug for me to handle

I say a prayer and light a candle

May you be satisfied with my happiness, dear she who holds my he.

My Mistake

I dream of you, my favorite lover
Though it has been many years
Since that sparkling summer
When I was 18 and you were 17
I was unprepared to fall so deep

Your hand on mine
Was enough to stop time
I stayed awake all night
Electrified by your touch

And more terrified than I realized, to mess it up
It was my fear that froze me and left you out in the cold
I thought my feelings for you meant that we would never part,
I thought surely you must feel the same way in your heart
But our relationship didn’t even get off the ground
The engine of my airplane is still churning ’round

I wish I had been more reckless-
Gotten drunk with you, had unprotected sex and let you impregnate me
I’d give up my education and prestige of my career
Just to hold you near once more

Instead, my unrequited feelings for you became misplaced on others,
Those many unwanted lovers
No one holds a candle to you-
My heart is a bonfire burning blue

In my dream, you once again hold my hand
I feel the magnetic touch that I’ve missed so much,
Feel the electric current flow between us.
I feel blissfully happy,
Until I wake up to the real nightmare-
that you are married and have a kid.
I feel so happy for you and so sad for me.

In dreaming of you, that sense of magical love is awoken in me
As if I might turn the corner and find love staring back at me
And this time not drop the ball at my feet

But more likely,
I’ll open my eyes to the love all around me
Or look within and realize that I’ve always had it all

Rather than the wish,
I am the well.

I mistook the feelings you brought out in me as something that you alone could give me, like you were my heroin dealer, my poppy seed
I mistook you for the source, but you were the springboard
Off of which I catapulted into the abyss
Tumbling through the dark, I held onto to my spark
Let it glow and grow
And now I know
We are all source-
We are love manifested into physical form

The feeling of losing your love threw me for a loop
For a minute there, I lost myself
My mistake

Perhaps without you,
I would not have come to realize
That we are all love itself

Without the exquisite pain I felt in your absence
I would not have had to comfort myself
by curling up under the blanket
woven by the in-separateness of all
You, me, and everyone we know
Are golden threads in this tapestry
Leaves on the sole tree of life

Lost Love

Lost Love

On the brink
I thought you were an ocean of love
But you were just a sink
You hooked me hard and instead of reeling me in
You sailed away, never to look my way again

My heart sank
With the heaviness of a tank
Pulled down and shredded to pieces
For long years I bled into the ocean
Attracting all sorts of carnivorous creatures
They ravaged me, never satisfied
For a destroyed heart cannot sustain for long

Horrified by the bloody scene
I wanted to put my heart back together
So that it could float to the surface and enjoy fair weather
That is the true ocean’s treasure

It took untold salty tears
But I finally cried myself out of the depths
And long the way
I discovered it all
The mermaids invited me to their ball
We danced with pearls in our wavy curls
Now I know the flow
Of where the messages in bottles go
You are reading one right now

I hear the beat of my own rhythm
And feel nourished from within
I had to nearly drown in lost love
To learn how to swim