From the Breakup Files

Chapter 1: Peace

At an airport in NYC

In the middle of everywhere, I am off the grid

No service waves penetrate these walls, my phone won’t receive your calls

I no longer have a tree for dogs to bark up

By dogs, I mean men

They make noise at me again and again

I only want peace

Here, in the middle of NYC, I found it

Chapter 2: You Gave Me

When you gave me the finest that money could buy, you gave me something new

Yet, you gave me something old

That familiar feeling of owing a man my life in exchange for gifts I didn’t ask for

You gave me the latest technology

Only to bombard me with neurotic texts, emails, and calls

Trying to control me was your downfall

Smothering and manipulating

The tighter you gripped, the more I slipped through your fingertips

If you didn’t get your way, I had hell to pay

But you have no power over me

I don’t owe you anything

That is why I gave it all back

I belong to myself

I don’t have to do what you or anyone else wants me to do

This is my sacred truth

This is what I learned from you, and the many who came before you

Everything I need is within me

Chapter 3: I am My Own

I used to think that I was Cinderella because I often clean up other people’s messes and my family was mean to me.

I used to think that I was Ariel because what I wanted to say, no one could tell.

I used to think that I was Belle because I love to read and thought I could break a Beast’s spell.

Then I met some Beasts: Jealousy and Greed, we wrestled until I remembered that I already have everything I need.

I need no prince to rescue me.

With the help of the Divine Spirit, I am saved and my beast is tamed

Chapter 4: Two and One

This one is for my baby

Even though I paid hard-earned money and endured unspeakable pain to have you scraped out of me

Even though I chose to stop your beating heart

You know that I loved you from the start

I was overjoyed to learn of your existence inside of me

I was so excited to meet you, to show you the best possible world

To teach you all I know, to caress your curls

I took every measure to treat you like a treasure, I cared for you more than for my own self

But when your daddy showed his horrendous true self to me, I had to set you free so that I could be me

Chapter 5: What it is

What it is is that I prefer to spend time with myself than with you

Being with you was beyond unpleasant for me

There is no mystery for you to solve

You don’t have to dissect my every word

You don’t have to feel unheard, or regret anything

You are simply not for me

We could never make each other happy

I know this in my heart

That’s what it is

Safe

Why are you hurting still?

Do you feel ill?

Why are you a bleeding heart when you could be a beating heart, and dancing

Why do we clutch our pain so tightly it dominates our brain

Why are you hurting so

You are loved more than you’ll ever know

Feel supported and safe

I’m here, you’re ok

You see everything as a knife pointed at you

A threat to your life

I should know, I’ve been pulled by that undertow

Feel the earth below your feet, stand tall and listen to me

You don’t have to feel bad, you are allowed to feel glad

You don’t have to build walls

It’s a long way up for you to fall

There is love all around you

If only you knew

How can I express ultimate truth to you, except through song

Neuroscience Love

How I’d love to go walking

Through the orchard of your mind

To behold fertile neurons branching ever more intricately

In an arboretum lushly laden with sweet serotonin

My fingers search restlessly for the roots of your dopamine

My tongue drowns itself craving your acetylcholine

I long to climb your axons and shake ripe neurotransmitters

From the delicate tips of your dendritic branches

I ache to see your potential in action

To be blinded by the searing speed of your electric signal

As it sparks from node to node

To be swallowed by the violent beauty

Of vesicles fusing with your pre-synaptic membrane

How I wish to be one of your post-synaptic neurons

So that I may feel flooded by your molecules

In the electric throes of neuronal excitation

I hyperpolarize when you are near

Gripped by GABA, I am mesmerized

I’m living to see behind your eyes

Depolarize me anytime