To the Men

In the middle of the night

Life catches up to me

My heart is both hunted and hunter, yet I stay in one place

None of these poems are about you

All of these poems are about you

Looking across the battlefield

I see many hearts, some still beating for me

Fallen soldiers, which way did your body land?

When I recognized that you did not serve my soul, I left you

I left you with respect and hoped the best for you

At least I do not call you spiteful names

Nor do I reject the lovely moments we shared

I do not fire hurtful words at you to make myself feel more powerful

Even as you show me how small your mind is

Carnival

Welcome to the carnival

I offer all manner of novelties to delight you
Are your thoughts as wild as a flying trapeze?
I’ve got pills to set your mind at ease
Does your heart feel like it has been trampled by an elephant?
You don’t need to use booze to get bent
I’ll flood your blood with chemical love and adjust the dose to fit like a glove
I’ve perfected my performance to be your ideal physician despite my perpetual exhaustion, hanger and burn out
Ignoring my own pain as I eliminate yours
Neither one of us is listening to the sacred wisdom of our bodies
I suffer long and hard so that you don’t have to feel a thing
In my side-show alley you’ll see that if you want more than an endless stream of candy refills, if you want me to be your shaman instead of your drug dealer, at any time you can feel your feelings instead of suppress them
Take a plunge from the high dive on the wild horse of your unmedicated body
Hear your healing lion’s roar
Let your self-expression soar
Allow yourself to fall into the safety net of the universe
Trust that you belong, that you are a star just as you are
Juggle fire and meet yourself with humor when gravity makes its presence known
Allow yourself to be shot from the cannon of self-doubt, trusting that you will be ok
If healing is a series of flaming hoops
The transformative way out is through
Show yourself what you can do
Dance to uplifting music every day
Cultivate strength and flexibility in body and brain
Remind yourself it is normal to feel insane
In this seemingly crazy world, only you can take the reins
Be the ringleader of your life
It ain’t me, babe
Though I have the hard-won power to prescribe the goodies you crave
To be in control of ourselves we must give up control of everything else
Welcome to the big time
The show can’t go on without you
I applaud you
My eyes are open to witness your marvels and miracles

Strong

Let’s start where we are

At the end of my rope again
Wanting to kill my body to liberate my spirit
Free myself from the grips of your jealousy
Your hands can’t grasp the air, can’t contain that which is intangible
Only the heart can do that
I want to throw a wrench and stop the drama-go-round with a screeching halt
Would it shake you awake from the illusion of reality?
Would it finally lift your veil?
I have felt hunted by you my whole life
How refreshing to be the one to hold the knife
I want to get out of my own way
I balance a negative thought with a positive one
Remind myself that I create my life each moment through perception, attention, intention
Even now, you are another a poppy in the field, trying to keep me knocked out instead of awake, empowered, enlightened
Wrapped up in visions of destruction, I remind myself that I have a choice every moment
I turn my mind’s eye to that which uplifts me, and give a wink
How much more energy would I have for that which I love if I let go of that which I loathe?
I don’t have to prove that I am strong anymore
I don’t have to take your shit anymore
You are the one who needs strength
At my best, I pray for you and the healing of our relationship
At my worst, I fantasize about taking a shit on your grave

Know Peace

Know Peace

I’m not perfect
In my human life I’ve been known to lie, steal and cheat
But at least I don’t judge everyone I meet

We’re all just trying to get by
Killing time until we die
Doing the best we know how

I never meant to hurt you
But apparently I did
Though I tried to tread carefully around the minefield of your heart
And did my best to leave you intact as we parted
You intentionally tried to hurt me back
With your scathing attack

Anything personal that I had shared with you
When we were together,
You tried to use against me
In your illogical reasoning
After we broke up (after I broke up with you
for the second time, let’s not forget)

You stabbed me in the back,
Your bruised ego lashing out
Like a child who has yet to learn
That they are not the pivot
Around which the world turns

But honey, I can forgive you
Because I try not to judge
Even those who judge me unfairly
Which is anytime I’m judged

I haven’t walked a mile in your moccasins
But I know how rough the trail can get
You can’t imagine the wear and tear on my soles
You don’t know the first thing about me yet

I try to understand you
Even as you refuse to understand me
I give you empathy
Even as you deny my humanity

So go ahead, immaturely throw your words
They’re just your own mental turds
Landing back on you.
Though you try to smear them on me,
They only stain the tiny glass box
Which imprisons your mind

Because truth is true,
Your thoughts are not my reality
I won’t pretend to know you
Because you sure as shit don’t know me

Remember as you rant and rage, loud and proud,
That whatever hard feelings you have towards me,
Whatever labels you try to put on me,
I felt towards you first.
Only I didn’t try to put you down unnecessarily.
You never knew the depths of my disappointment in you
But you know who broke up with who
Don’t get it twisted

I’m not perfect
And neither are you
Just remember that the next time
You want to throw your insecurity’s poo
Which comes from within you

It is not entirely your fault that you are the way you are
You are a breathing symphony of your life’s experiences
I hope you can acknowledge that I am just that as well
May you and I and everyone
Know peace