Little Miss Fearful

Once upon a time there was a little girl who felt smaller than she was because she was afraid of everybody.

She was so afraid that she could not bring herself to even speak of her fear, not to anyone.

Yet she pushed through, and got through life even though fear never left her.

By and by, she learned that fear was there to protect her.

She transformed her fear into courage as she confronted many obstacles.

What was once her handicap became her superpower.

Fear gave her energy to overcome challenges.

Little Miss Fearful became Little Miss Brave.

Mi Hija

My daughter

I don’t want you to suffer as much as I have suffered

I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made

There will come times that you will feel afraid, exhausted, irate or heartbroken

Though your heart may break, you are unbreakable

Human flesh is soft but your spirit is strong, stronger than you know in this moment

There will come times that you will be tested and you will challenge yourself

There will be times that you will have to forgive

Set yourself free from loathing

To love is to live

Don’t work too much

Allow time for yourself and those important to you

Mi hija

I loved you before you were born, and I will love you even after I die

I want you to live deeply, to know true love and friendship

I want you to feel safe and supported by life

You can accomplish what you set out to do

This is especially true because you are mi hija

I know well that you will suffer because of this life I gave you

You will feel pain, bleed, and at times perhaps wish that I hadn’t brought you into this world

Forgive me, mi hija

This Earth is so beautiful, I wanted to share it with you

In attempting to create a happy childhood for you, I wanted to correct the wrongs committed by my parents

I want to impart on the future what I learned from the past

I want to break the pattern of intergenerational trauma, to heal my heart and our family with the love I pour into you

Life is not easy, mi hija, but I hope you will find it is worth the struggle

Dragon Warrior

I am the dragon warrior

I use the energy from my fear to vanquish my demons

I use my body to create a better world

I use my mind to visualize my dreams

I follow in the footsteps of admirable heroes

The trails they’ve blazed guide me when I’ve strayed

Words of wisdom remind me that it will be ok

More than ok, my life is great

I am made of true grit and fire-tested strength

I am sound in mind, body and spirit

I am a healer because I was wounded

All healing is within you

Amidst the fog and noise, find clarity through action

Coping

If I ever have children (if my body can forgive me for a lifetime of multifaceted abuse), I hope to give them a more robust and diverse repertoire of coping skills than the ones my parents left me

Instead of beginning and ending with cheap alcoholism and angst, I hope that my children draw from a complete rainbow of abilities

Mindfulness and movement; may they know the sweet depths of meditation, may they return to the present moment through gentle awareness again and again, and may they bathe in the ecstasy of a daily movement practice such as yoga, qi gong, tai chi, or wild freestyle dance, may they know that peace is always a breath away.

Contact with nature: may they be blessed with the sight of many sunrises and sunsets, may the sky fill their eyes and their lungs; may they have nature in their hearts and in their homes and may they submerge themselves in forests for sanctuary.

Interconnectedness: may my children know that they are loved unconditionally; may they connect with loved ones regularly, may they feel safe and supported in this world. May they draw on ancient wisdom and allow space for new realizations. May they feel both one in a million and a million in one.

Humility: may my children not overburden themselves with pressure; with realistic expectations may they wander more easily through life, may they balance unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts, may they rise up for an eagle’s eye view from time to time, especially during trying times.

We are all children at our core. May we know all of these blessings and more.

Womanly Body

I move my womanly body- sway my hips, shake my coccyx

‘I’m dancing like a little girl’ I judge myself half-jokingly

I once again feel like that terrified child- the skinny, shy girl of my youth. I tell myself that I am safe now, even if I don’t believe it

Back in the now; I am a full-grown woman in the prime of her life, albeit a late bloomer

Practicing gentle loving-kindness towards self, cultivating vibrancy

My uterus is a powerful creative cauldron, and I’m due to brew up something magical

In a flash I am an elder, a medicine woman with a wrinkle on her face for each hard-won ripple of wisdom

Knitting in a rocking chair on my porch, with a subtle smile and a twinkle in my eye

Though I do not yet have a rocking chair, nor do I know how to knit

Perhaps I should learn how to knit

No- I knit words instead of wool

Though what I want to impart to future generations is beyond words

I do not know if my body will live to the elder age of my imagined older self

Lord, let me not take my life or health for granted

Lord, be with the hurting children

May they survive their childhoods to heal themselves and serve as beacons of hope for the hurting

We are all hurting

I embody hurting and healing in my womanly body

Song in My Heart

I have a song in my heart

I sing it when we are apart

When you are near

I am silenced by fear

I want to sing you my song

What happens to my voice

Is it even a choice

I want to believe that I am free

All I can do is try to sing to you

I have a song in my heart

A song like the wind that blows clouds apart

The sun shines for all

Remember this next time your heart falls

You have a song in your heart

You’ve had it from the start

You have a song that beats all day long

In the quiet of the night you can hear it

If you listen to the song in your heart

I feel the rhythm in all

The Color of Fear

I visualize fear in my body- a pale yellow space in my abdomen where my third-chakra should be. Fear is the hole through which the wind blows; the whims of others buffeting my core unapologetically as I give my power away with barely a hesitation.

I breathe into this space not to exhale my fear, but to join my breath with fear and thus transform fear into power.

The yellow acquires rich undertones and depth as it ripens and becomes full-bodied. My insecurity becomes my empowerment. My fear is my friend, not my foe.

I feel my strength take form, self-protection armed with experience, primed to use fear as fuel

Though I fail every day at saying no, I keep trying

I do not retreat from the world

Though I have not yet put words to my fear, I study it

My frozen mouth thaws around radical words like:

My feelings matter, my health matters, my time matters, my sleep matters, my sense of safety matters

I soak up the golden yellow light, burn some sage and turn the page

She

She scratches her secrets on the dark side of the moon

When she bends her bones she can make any man swoon

Old habits die hard but she is learning to live softly

She sweeps fear away with thoughts large and lofty

She dreams of peace for all and peace within

She drinks from the oasis hidden in the desert of her skin

Only she knows the truth she has lived

Darker than the night sky

Are the ripples held between her thighs

She hides them deeper than the sea’s sigh

Dredging up salt with her tears cried

She sees beyond the sight of man’s eyes

Her blood is her sacrifice

The fire in her heart melts ice

If you think this rhyme is simple like plain rice

Just come closer, you can taste her spice