Take it Back

I feel the knots you’ve tied within me

Stains on my energy
Pains in my body
I observe the damage
Tension, nausea, sensation of suffocation
Insomnia, dizziness, diarrheal defecation
You made me feel powerless for too damn long
You beat me up but my spirit is strong
This shit isn’t mine
This was never mine
This is yours
Take it back
Take it all the fuck back
The trauma and the drama
The hurt and the dirt
Keep your hands and your mind out of my skirt
Don’t tell me what to do
Your mind games were never fun for me
Were they fun for you?
You can win the prize, I offer it freely to you
I won’t play anymore
Your ego will have to deal with the fact that I’m letting my sanity heal
I’m learning to put myself first
Through radical acts of self care to restore my happiness and health
Your energy is yours
Take it back

Pockets of Bliss

Pockets of Bliss

Hard-scrabble
Uphill battle
Stoically strong
All my life long

That was my marching song

Yet if I let myself unwind a bit
I find myself basking in pockets of bliss
Soaking in satisfaction, abundance, gratitude
It feels like the ultimate kiss
As I both receive and radiate
The generous glow of the sun

My mind usually tells myself that I don’t have time
For such indulgent, frivolous nonsense
That I’ve got to push push push
And forever rush rush rush

I fooled myself into believing
That I didn’t deserve the luxury of deep breathing
That rest and relaxation were only for the privileged rich
Such was my justification for prioritizing everything else                                                       Before my own needs

For too long I wrongly bought into the ideology
That my life was not to be enjoyed
That I should run hungry all my days
As if pursued by a ravenous wolf in all kinds of ways

But today I re-realized that I am the wolf
And also the prey
Only I have the power to say,
‘Enough of being tough.
I am ready for ease!’

If only in pockets to start
Because old habits are hard to break,
Just ask my heart

So it is with patience and persistence,
Guided by gentle wisdom
That I fill my pockets to overflowing
With bliss bliss bliss

This Competitive American Life

This Competitive American Life

My toothpaste claims that it will keep my breath fresher for seven-times longer
Seven-times longer than what? I ask
But the toothpaste does not answer me
It is all wrapped up in it’s shiny packaging

My deodorant boasts that it will keep me powder-fresh all day and all night
Which I feel that I need, because I consume much caffeine in order to push through my human fatigue while I work like a machine around the clock
I work with people who would take offense at my natural odor, so I cringe as I smear the aluminum on my armpits
‘Forgive me, body’ I pray in a powder-soft whisper

All that caffeine makes me sweat where my antiperspirant doesn’t reach
To soak up my stress-enhanced face grease, I bought special makeup that promises to reduce shine
It doesn’t do much, so I re-apply it all the time

My hands are ragged from over-use
So I bought cream that promises to sooth
Repairing damaged skin more effectively than any other

Better than all the rest
That’s what these products brag on their packaging
Even my paper towels state that they are twice as strong as any other
Flexing their pumped-up muscles in the cupboard

But with all the latest and greatest that money can buy
Why do I feel like I’m not winning this Competitive American Life?
Perhaps because I don’t want to play the game
I want to live in harmony with myself and with the Earth

Hang on, body, I’ll get us to a place where we no longer use over-achieving, over-processed products laden with harsh chemicals

It brings me peace to know that
I could step off this Merry-Go-Round
At any time
And realize
That I am already where
I was trying to get to eventually
On the slowest fast train
Man ever made