From the Breakup Files

Chapter 1: Peace

At an airport in NYC

In the middle of everywhere, I am off the grid

No service waves penetrate these walls, my phone won’t receive your calls

I no longer have a tree for dogs to bark up

By dogs, I mean men

They make noise at me again and again

I only want peace

Here, in the middle of NYC, I found it

Chapter 2: You Gave Me

When you gave me the finest that money could buy, you gave me something new

Yet, you gave me something old

That familiar feeling of owing a man my life in exchange for gifts I didn’t ask for

You gave me the latest technology

Only to bombard me with neurotic texts, emails, and calls

Trying to control me was your downfall

Smothering and manipulating

The tighter you gripped, the more I slipped through your fingertips

If you didn’t get your way, I had hell to pay

But you have no power over me

I don’t owe you anything

That is why I gave it all back

I belong to myself

I don’t have to do what you or anyone else wants me to do

This is my sacred truth

This is what I learned from you, and the many who came before you

Everything I need is within me

Chapter 3: I am My Own

I used to think that I was Cinderella because I often clean up other people’s messes and my family was mean to me.

I used to think that I was Ariel because what I wanted to say, no one could tell.

I used to think that I was Belle because I love to read and thought I could break a Beast’s spell.

Then I met some Beasts: Jealousy and Greed, we wrestled until I remembered that I already have everything I need.

I need no prince to rescue me.

With the help of the Divine Spirit, I am saved and my beast is tamed

Chapter 4: Two and One

This one is for my baby

Even though I paid hard-earned money and endured unspeakable pain to have you scraped out of me

Even though I chose to stop your beating heart

You know that I loved you from the start

I was overjoyed to learn of your existence inside of me

I was so excited to meet you, to show you the best possible world

To teach you all I know, to caress your curls

I took every measure to treat you like a treasure, I cared for you more than for my own self

But when your daddy showed his horrendous true self to me, I had to set you free so that I could be me

Chapter 5: What it is

What it is is that I prefer to spend time with myself than with you

Being with you was beyond unpleasant for me

There is no mystery for you to solve

You don’t have to dissect my every word

You don’t have to feel unheard, or regret anything

You are simply not for me

We could never make each other happy

I know this in my heart

That’s what it is

To the Men

In the middle of the night

Life catches up to me

My heart is both hunted and hunter, yet I stay in one place

None of these poems are about you

All of these poems are about you

Looking across the battlefield

I see many hearts, some still beating for me

Fallen soldiers, which way did your body land?

When I recognized that you did not serve my soul, I left you

I left you with respect and hoped the best for you

At least I do not call you spiteful names

Nor do I reject the lovely moments we shared

I do not fire hurtful words at you to make myself feel more powerful

Even as you show me how small your mind is

Sea Change

You came in like a whale

Mapless, I didn’t know where you’d been or where you were headed

Your eyes held the treasures you’d seen and the mermaids you’d befriended

From first sight, you were all I could see- you filled my eyes until they overflowed

I felt so fortunate to behold you, if only for a moment

Your appearance above the surface seemed to be for me alone

I blinked and you crashed back into the depths, upsetting my little boat

The commotion stirred by your momentum smashed me to pieces

I’m still picking them up

You deftly moved on to a far away ocean, perhaps without knowing the wreckage left in your wake

Perhaps you never saw me

Yet my love for you remains deeper than the sea

I wait and watch the horizon, hoping to the moon that the tides will bring you back to me

Though you are not mine to have

Only in my heart could I contain something so much larger than myself

Rip

How do I rip myself from you?

You who I’ve given so many years to.

How do I rip myself from you?

You who I’ve give so many tears to.

How do I separate my voice from yours?

How do I separate my mind from yours?

How do I separate my body from yours?

We shared so many things, we even got up to sing in front of the whole world.

You were my guy, I was your girl

How do I rip myself from you?

I’m all black and blue trying to rip myself from you.

You and I had insatiable appetites

For good times and long fights

Adventure called and we always heeded it.

We made love, so much love

We just couldn’t beat it

Even though we were up all night

And all day

We couldn’t keep our dissatisfaction at bay

I could never satisfy you

You could never satisfy me

Here we are, at last far from one another

Yet I still feel you inside me

I still feel you beside me

I feel your hands in my empty hands

I don’t understand

What good will it do

To remain wrapped up in you

When I could never satisfy you

And you could never satisfy me