These Late Nights

These late nights stir up feelings of my youth, our youth

Of starlight and fallen leaves

Back when we had nothing more to do

Than run around blind, howl into the great unknown, and break our own hearts

These late nights are now so busy and exhausting

Back in our day, staying up late was what we lived for, instead of what drained the life out of us

We had to get creative to avoid stillness, instead of being in desperate need of tranquility amidst freneticism

My favorite moments were when we stopped our clatter and spoke through our hands in sweet silence

Until sunrise burned our eyes and melted us apart

Leaving unuttered words on my lips, I want to tell you still, but I won’t

Old habits

Our late nights together, a roaming pack of wild adolescents

Finding home in each other’s arms and the greatest thrill in the subtlest of movements

I try in vain to drown my memories of you with a new type of late nights

On call, roaming hospital halls

Inviting stress and the traumatic experiences it brings

Has anything changed?

No matter how many years I spend in training or how deep I plunge into the ocean of medical knowledge

You buoyantly float to my surface, shining brighter than life itself

Years of intensive study have not revealed the antidote for you

Countless classroom hours, yet no professor has lectured on relief from this affliction for which no doctor can write a prescription

I still want to see you by starlight and fallen leaves one of these late nights

Now my eyes flutter open to fluorescent lights

Surrounded by my patients, I wait with endless patience

Knowing that you and I will never share a late night again

Like my patients, all I can do is hope for relief or resolution

Ever searching for the solution

Many nights have passed since last we met

I rely on the stars and fallen leaves to whisper my love to you

Exquisitely exhausted, I try to let you go like the monk you told me about years ago who left the woman he carried across the river on the other side of the river

And yet, these late nights stir up memories of starlight and fallen leaves

I used to think you were the answer to all of my doubts

Now I know that what I need comes from within, not without

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