Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is the worst

I know I need people, but being around them is so nerve-wracking, how could I ever enjoy it?

The tyrannical giants of my youth (my older family members) came crashing down on me, roaring with disapproval

That is how I learned what to do and what to say

I was all but severed by the fray

Discouraged that I never got it right for long, my anxiety morphed into depression

I was always late; applying the lines I had learned from a recent social interaction to the current one

Failing miserably to please the person in front of me

‘That wasn’t even my thought’ I wanted to say when they scolded me after I had parroted someone else’s opinion which they found disagreeable

Now faced with a counter-point, I saw the topic both ways, and wished I could take back what I said, or better yet- think for myself or feel like I could be myself, whatever that meant

When I’m not grounded by the presence of another person, I feel like a helium balloon cut loose and floating without direction

I like the peaceful view

Being alone is great, but I feel regret about the past and I worry about the future

Here and now

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