Why do I only get knocked up when I am not trying?
After three unplanned pregnancies too early in the relationship to realize that I didn’t want to be with the father long-term, before breaking under the pressure of our mental illnesses, I prematurely concluded that my fertility was abundant.
Three abortions later, I am happily married and trying to get pregnant, meanwhile my health insurance and job are due to expire in <9 months. I feel my desperation grow and my hope dwindle more with each passing moon cycle.
Must I be reckless, drunk and naked with a stranger in order to conceive?
Body, have mercy. I’m sorry I’ve put you through hell, faithful servant. Please forgive me.
I may strive for perfection, but I never reach it.
I abuse myself, even now. I take my health for granted, even now.
This is my unfiltered personal statement.
PTSD memories pushing through each moment
I hear the echo of my steps on city streets
Tasting the bitter fruits purchased from the tiny fortune I amassed as a professional rape victim
I don’t know what it feels like to be in your body, pro-lifers
But I respect your right to use your body the way you want to, and I only ask that you let me do the same
I may never get pregnant again, but even if my fertility is not as abundant as I once believed, the universe is abundant
But body, must I get intoxicated with a stranger in order to get pregnant, or can we conceive of a new way of conceiving- one centered in sobriety, safety and stability?