She Prepared Her Body for Him

She prepared her body for him
She washed every curve and crevice of her strong, supple body with rose-scented soap
She shaved her armpits, legs and groin, striving to get as close a shave as possible, for his pleasure
She rubbed lotion into her skin
She clipped her nails and filed off the rough edges
She plucked her eyebrows though it stung
She combed her hair and smoothed the frizz away with oil, knowing he would tie knots into her hair as he ravaged her body, and he did
They always do

She prepared her body for him
Though he was undeserving
Though he was reckless
She prepared her body for him
In every way she could think of
Except the way that mattered

She did not prepare her body with birth control,
No form of protection or contraception
She packed an overnight bag with toiletries and delicacies,
But no condoms, pills, rings, sponges, diaphragms, nothing
She prioritized pleasing him
Over protecting her body, her health, her future

She offered her body like a sacrificial lamb, but to an unholy god
He feasted on her, never stopping to consider how he might damage her body, her health or her future
He was there to wine and dine her, and without asking, sixty-nine her
But he was not there to buy the morning-after pill, the pregnancy test, the prenatal vitamins, the morning-sickness supplements which were powerless against her incapacitating nausea, her violent vomiting

He was not there to hold her her back, he was not there to carry out her responsibilities when she was fatigued beyond words.
He was not there when she realized that the pregnancy was interfering with her life in ways that she could not justify,
Like her career for which she had worked so hard for so many years,
inhibiting her ability to care for the lives which she held in her hands

Her integrity evaporated quickly at the thought of telling her loved ones that she had been impregnated by a man she barely knew, by a man who the more she got to know, she liked less and less- a man who did not listen to her, who did not love her the way she needed to be loved. A man who the thought of raising a child with seemed a terrible notion, as he could not take care of himself, let alone anyone else. All of these things about him she learned after being impregnated by him, after being pressured and coerced by him

He was not there as she prepared her body for an abortion
She washed it with rose soap, she clipped her nails
He was not there when she felt the sharp pain of having the dear tiny life extracted out of her
He was not there to share in her lingering sadness
But she was there for herself
And her care team was there by her side, to talk her through every step of her abortion, to treat her with integrity, without judgement, to restore her body, her health, her future and her freedom

She prepares her body for herself now
She keeps it strong and supple
She honors her body by making healthy choices
She acts in ways which serve her
She was fortunate to have access to an abortion which was safe and legal
She wants other women to feel fortunate too
To have a safety net, to have as many second chances as they need
To not have their lives train-wrecked by some guy
Thanks to her abortion provider, she now she has an IUD which provides her long-acting reversible birth control which she tolerates well
She has never felt more empowered
She is eternally grateful for the compassionate care she received
She wishes that all beings, everywhere, may be happy, healthy and free

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