Trauma Talk

Trauma Talk

I have been terrified of people my whole life
Never felt safe to express myself to anyone
I took a chance with you
And you replied

Without acceptance, without compassion
But with bold, CAPITOL FUCKING LETTERS
Barking condescending commands at me
Drowning me in my own cortisol

As a reflexive response,
I served you up the sweet lies you desired
All the while feeling so damn bitter inside
I reacted out of my unmet need to feel safe
So I soothed you with words that came to me easily

Because the skill of pleasing others
Is one that I’ve practiced everyday of my life
Although I hate this invisible prison
And I’d give anything to break free of it

The simple salty truth
Is that I don’t enjoy spending time with you
But your ego refuses to accept that
Why is it unbelievable that I could not want you?
What do you think is so damn great about you?

At the end of the day, you are just another damn dick in my face

I understand that I probably contort the message
As I try to spoon-feed it to you in a palatable package
But your certainty that we have a wonderful connection
Is just you falling for my deception

You are my most recent catch
I try to throw you back in the ocean
But you willingly stay hooked
Stubbornly clinging to your ideas

Attached to the illusion I gave you

Why waste my breath trying to tell you this?
You are deafened by your own loud voice
Please learn how to talk to traumatized people
I’ll give you some advice: start by listening
Listening is a choice

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