My nervous system is far too nervous for my own good
Surrounded by a sympathetic nervous system storm
I try to remember to breathe
But most of the time I forget
Holding my breath, biting my tongue, clenching my jaw
I long for the gentle pitter-patter of my parasympathetic nervous system to rain softly down on me, soothing and nourishing me
I first heard about social anxiety after I had already been socially anxious for a decade and half (all my life up to that point)
A fellow fifteen-year-old announced, ‘My doctor diagnosed me with social anxiety’.
As usual, I remained silent, although I thought in horror, ‘I would never tell anyone, especially not my parents or a doctor, that I feel anxious around people: I am far too anxious to do that!’
So I lived my life terrified of many things but more terrified still of letting people know I was afraid.
As a result, I did it all:
I did whatever other people wanted me to do
Which lead to many dangerous and unpleasant situations
And also some remarkable accomplishments
Like a samurai, I went into each battle as if I was already dead
It is amazing what you can do when you let go of yourself
But let me make one thing clear:
Spending all my time doing things I don’t want to do is hell.
I’d like to stop this habit that kept me alive when I was very small
The first lesson I learned was to please those around me in order to not get physically harmed
Now I am bigger than I was, though still small compared to most
I am ready to reclaim my life
Enough is enough